Okay. I need to eat a bag of dicks. In my f’ing logo (which I created) it says, “You’d better change before you have to”.

But did I fucking listen to myself? 🤦‍♀️

So in early March I woke up one day and just fell straight over. Super dizzy. It lasted a few days so I booked a video call with the Doctor. Doctor says prob just vertigo but check your blood pressure. I hand Bezos some cash and he has a minion deliver it the next day.

Pop my arm in the little boa constrictor of death and it tells me that my blood pressure is 220/125.


I went to the NHS website and popped in my numbers to see how bad it was. It helpfully said,

Super helpful, NHS … what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?!? So off to the interwebs I went for assistance and found:

Oh great. I’m about to keel over.

Spolier alert – I’m still alive.

So long story short, my blood pressure has gone back down but it’s still high. (About 152/100)

Aparently my lazy ass doesn’t do anything until I have a fire lit under it… and now by buns are smokin’. Alright, lardass, what’s the plan?

Step 1 – start intermitent fasting. We’re mostly doing a OMAD M-F and 18/6 on the weekends and holidays. So far it’s going okay.

We’re reading Fast, Feast, Repeat by Gin Stephens and strictly following a ‘clean fast’. We’re feeling surprisingly good doing it. I can’t say we’re filled with miraculous engergy and the pounds are just falling off, but I do feel better – my clothes are a bit looser – and it’s not as bad as I would have imagined. (To be clear, this is not the Royal We… my husband is also doing this with me…) I’ve lost 2.6kg/5.75lbs so far. Not even a dent in this rotund figure, but every journey starts with a single step, or some bullshit like that… right?

Step 2 – exercise more. I know, I know. It’s dead obvious. But when you’re built like that lagging rhino in Jumanji it’s the last thing you want to do. I’m just going to start with walking and build up from there.

Step 3 – transition more into a WFBD diet. I hadn’t forgotten y’all. This is still my ultimate goal. But man, that’s a huge shift for me and not something I’m good at doing all at once… but every meal we try to make a little bit better and we’ll get there eventualy. I just need to find more and more recipes I like because I’m a shit cook and most of the stuff I make tastes like you’re gnawing on tree bark in a bowl of wallpaper paste.

Speaking off, I need to go make dinner. (Don’t tell the vegans … we’re having shrimp!)

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